Smelling the Roses 25 Nov 06

hah! Being on Leave is just Fantastic!

Then it's back to being a student. Frantic Muggings in the library.

A visit to Swanking top notch facilities SMU.

Feeling like a 'rich student'.

A million flashbacks / regrets

in the midst of de-concentration.

Bellrings for things that remind me of today...

Nparks Community in Bloom Award

Dad - Merit Award

Botanic Garden's Botany Trail

Singapore as a premiere Herbarium

Met Puay - Raleigh, Pantagonia, Africa trekker

One year in Cuba

Managing Dreams and Reality

Lunch Hyatt's Straits Kitchen

Tummy Ache

Act three's Year end performance

Rudyard Kipling Unstrung

De-corporatization

Let loose

Fun and child-like

Diesel

Belts at Lido

Body Shop Brush

George Benson

Perfect.

Child of our times

I just caught an episode of Child of our Times on Arts Central.

I actually didnt think much of a statement that somebody once made. About how our childhood experiences shape the person we are.

And that show totally embellished that. From upbringing to surroundings to parental care to parental guidance... and siblings.. they all matter to make us the person whom we are now.

I am a middle child. My siblings are strong characters. I figure the only way is by working doubly hard to live up to their standards. But it is never the same when you are second best. That alone is subjective what constitutes 'best'. To me it was results. I had always believed that I dont care how you do it, so long you get it. That's why when I asked my mom what was I good at when I was young, she said I was good at being 'Kiasu'. So in other words, I wanted everything. I would study very hard, and try my best at everything I did. And people could tell. So Hardworking became my middle name.

That was my takeaway from an hour in front of the google box.

What Motivates Me?

I need to find a work environment that gives me the following:
INDEPENDENCE
TRAVEL
WORTHWHILE
SUPPORTIVE BOSS
DEVELOPMENT
HIGH ENERGY

I need a job that allows me to use the following competencies:
Teamwork
Flexibility
Integrity
Information seeking
Self-confidence
Personal growth

I need to consider the personal implications of accepting a job where the following competencies are a key requirement:
Organizational awareness
Technological awareness
Conflict management
Planning, organizing and


High interest - High capability
These competencies form the profile of your ideal job. Where interest and ability meet, you will give your best contribution and work might not even feel like work. Look for opportunities that exercise these competencies in your job, or by seeking projects or assignments where they can be used. When you know precisely which competencies you prefer to use, you can steer your career and life in the direction you choose.

Questions to ask yourself

What jobs require a high concentration of these competencies?

What questions can I ask to reveal whether a particular job requires me to use these competencies?

What examples can I use to illustrate that I possess these competencies?

In my new job, how can I use these competencies to maximize the benefits to myself and to the organization?

Low interest - Low capability
You have identified competencies that may not be suitable for your field of work. If you find a job that requires you to use a high proportion of these competencies, you are unlikely to be happy or perform well. When making a career decision, consider the personal implications of accepting such a job. For long term career planning, you may want to consider developing these areas regardless of your disinterest if they will help you to reach other career goals.

Questions to ask yourself

What percentage of a job will require me to use these competencies?

How can I reduce my exposure to the use of these competencies?

Special People

Well this weekend had been nothing short of fruitful.

Had a drinks and laughs on Friday. You know who you are who had made my week!

Had a Halloween party dressing up on Sat. It should have been my pet event, but I robotically executed my tasks.







Had a 5km Women Run this morning. I was happy to cross the finishing line with many other very eager ladies! Wonder what My Timing is.

Just returned from a wedding dinner at Raffles The Plaza. Beautiful dim lighting, with floating tealights and roses all around. It was romantic. Food came at a snail's pace, at 10pm, five more dishes were still not served. A rather touching event.

Weekend activties aside, somehow, I feel empty despite the hubbub of programmes. I think I am losing touch with people whom I took for granted before. The non-contact mode is not working anymore.

As people start to work, there seems to be less time for others around. Have I changed, or have the special people around me changed? Who are the special people to me? Am I still special to them too? The tables have turned.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Oasis - Champagne Supernova

How many special people change?
How many lives are living strange?
Where were you while we were getting high?
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannonball
Where were you while we were getting high?
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova in the sky
Wake up the dawn and ask her why
A dreamer dreams, she never dies
Wipe that tear away now from your eye
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannonball
Where were you while we were getting high?
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova
'Cuz we don't believe
That they're gonna get away from the summer
But you and I will never die
The world's still spinning around we don't know why
Why-why-why-why-i-i

How many special people change?
How many lives are living strange?
Where were you while we were getting high?
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannonball
Where were you while we were getting high?
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova
'Cuz we don't believe
That they're gonna get away from the summer
But you and I will never die
The world's still spinning around we don't know why
Why-why-why-why-i-i
(a really long guitar solo)
(background - sounds like a bunch of "No"'s)
(birds chirping)
(more guitar)
How many special people change?
How many lives are living strange?
Where were you while we were getting high

Cable Ski & Go Karting @ Batam 9th August 2006

Tibet Planning

For travellers, Tibet is said to be without doubt one of the most remarkable places to visit in Asia. It offers fabulous monastery sights, raw high-altitude valleys and troughs, stunning views of the world's highest mountains and apparently one of the most likeable peoples around. However, due to the reality of politics, it can sometimes be a sobering and saddening experience.





"For the Tibet trip, I am proposing that we travel between 16 Dec to 24 Dec. There are essentially two ways with which we can get to Tibet. One would be overland, where we take the bus from Kathmandu to Lhasa on the Nepal-Chinese Highway. This highway is 900km long and would involve us taking a plane to Kathmandu and then taking a bus to Lhasa.

Alternatively, it is possible to fly to Beijing and then take the Beijing-Lhasa train to our destination. The prices of a ticket would range from 800-1200 yuan (around 200-250 SGD) and the journey is 4064 km long. The journey will also take 48 hours. There are three trains leaving from Beijing to Lhasa per day.

For visas, it is necessary to get a separate visa for Tibet and one for China/Nepal. So that would involve applying for two visas for the trip."

Samsui Women - The Chinese Apha Breed

Wow , I didnt know that Samsui women managed to match the men in terms of heavy work, working alongside the men in contruction sites and fields. Sounds like the Amazonians! They were rugged, displayed true grit and resoluteness. One thing I didnt know was that they chose to stay single and independent, often taking a vow of celibacy! .. this little input was inspired by August's edition of Asian Geographic.

.. I caught the premiere of Cabaret over the weekend - boasting a stella cast of Fei Xiang, Emma Yong, Karen Tan, Mark Richmond, Celine Rosa Tan ... and a tight knit of dancers. Boy it was long, close to three hours! Can you believe a local musiclal lasting that long? SET in pre-Nazi Germany in the 1930s, Cabaret depicts the intertwining stories of a cabaret singer, Sally Bowles, her doomed relationship with American writer Clifford Bradshaw and the citizens of Berlin during the bedlam of a changing society. Sally sings in a decadent club called the Kit Kat Klub where the sinister and seemingly omnipresent Emcee holds court.

... Sure, director Beatrice Chia packed it choked full of mature jokes, which were subtlely in-your-face. (I cant describe it otherwise).
... Sure Emma Yong's bod and VOCALS never looked and sounded that good.
... Sure I couldnt tell that the REALLY tall German- was played by Mark Richmond
... Sure I could tell that Fei Xiang's role - good as he tweaked his voice skillfully, (but sounded muffled over the sound system - audience could hardly comprehend apart from the repetitive chorus), sadly it looked out of place with the whole production. It was as if he had rehearsed the parts by himself - it was not tightly reined in with flow of the show.
... Sister said that the original focussed more on the Cabaret scene, and the one we watched focussed more on romance between Frau Schneider(German) and Herr Schultz (German Jew). It brought out strains of political issues - and pre-world war I tensions
... In short, it was a great effort by Toy Factory, although it evidently suffered from the same woes as all productions do - having never enough rehearsal time. Plus the production seemed to want to tackle too many issues, and did not have a strong focus (Either presenting a entertaining set or a musical with a message to send)Nevertheless, I had enjoyed the laughs, I liked Celine Tan's raucously irreverent protrayal of a prostitute with a penchant for young Sailors boys! It had entertainment value for sure, and I think the well-heeled crowd lapped by the jokes, by the sounds of the appreciative laugher that peppered the show.

My kids in Speech & Drama are doing pieces from Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens, The Horla by Guy De Maupassaunt, Vilette by Charlotte Bronte, Saint Joan by Bernard Shaw ... which means I have to read up more... argh.... quick, pass me the synopsis!

Ah Wow!

Top Six Happy List
1) From: Discovery Travel & Living Subject: We want to see more of you! =)
2) High on City Space's Govner's Smile with Antz - Unobscured view of Spore
3) Paula's Home Cooked Chicken Rice on a Friday night
4) Hip Hop under Dee Dee with Sam @ Wu Studio
5) Half Day Tuesday @ CGH for Dad's Checkup ~ finally!
6) Hitting 5 km on the runner! Woohoo!

Top Two Not-so-happy List
1) Mommy refuses to go for Checkup
2) Working on understanding Options

Besides the above - I am tired. Perpetually falling asleep in front of Computers - regardless if it's at the workplace or otherwise.

Now think think of script...
Backdrop: Raffles Place Mert.
Why? The FACE of Singapore. At the Crux of the Matter. Breakneck Speed. The Quest to Reach the Top. Congestion at The Escalator. Singlemind shuffling. To the LEFT. Determination. Kock kock plick pliak. Whiff.
People. Women, many women. Backbone of a Patriachal society. The mother of hogging orange mert seats. V-P-L.
Me: I. Third Person. Faceless in the sea of orderliness. Tall. Taller than everyone else. Uniform. Love Hate Struggle. Live, Rules. Who I Am.

Where: Rock Wall. Boulder. Mattress. Fall. High. Colours. Determination. Challenge. Live.

Sleepy. Blackout.

Fruitful Weekend?

I look at my hands , calloused, blisterd, corned. But my heart is singing.

1. Learnt the difference between top rope and lead climbing in terms of risk and physics of it
2. Learnt how to belay a lead climb , climb a lead climb, communication required

3. Knots learnt: Double Figure of Eight, Clove Hitch or Mickey Mouse Knot, Prussik & Crab, Tape Knot, Munter Hitch
4. Rappeling / Abseiling - a system of lowering oneself using rope





5. Self Equalising and Isolated Anchors - if there are only bolts available
6. Got an idea of what Multi-pitching is
7. Coach taught me how to Flag and Back Step more effectively!

In short, I was introduced to the joys and risks of lead climbing. I fell three times today because I couldnt carry myself up the overhang. Scrapped my elbows, knees and shin. But not serious. A bit scary up there - gonna work on it come Tuesday.

New term learnt - Sewing machine: Used to refer to the visible uncontrollable trembling of the leg when climbing.

That was a very lovely Sunday spent. Saturday, however, i was played out big time. Ended up getting bored over TV, and decided that washing clothes was a better way to spend my time.

What doesnt kill u makes u stronger

I was at Ice Cold Beer yesterday. Birthday drinks with Chris. A bit happy a bit sad that he was leaving. Seriously ever since he stopped working, crazy emails stopped coming.. from him of course. How I was nicknamed Big Bird. How his mom teased about him and his bright yellow bike. And him being a crybaby. Abve all, I remember Chris's delicious apple crumble, and Lasagne.... and his penchant for drinking loads. And how he totally trashed me at squash - I shld admit I suck at it. And sometime back, the BKK Rock Festival, and how he introduced me to Snow Patrol when nobody in Singapore knew them. But worse was how he ridiculed me especially when drunk, hurling verbal abuse at me...which made me understand how the term English bastards came about. Strange he wasnt too happy to go home - its just like how the honeymoon period ceases and real living starts.

Students are so much more carefree - and not so bounded by the disgusting boundaries of Work Environment. Then again Boundaries are fixed by oneself. I hate my workplace, but how can I make it better? It is lonely, but like climbing, there is always an easier way out.

Wed - dance class

Thurs - either squash game or home for a jog

Fri - home early

Sat - morning climbing training, drama, blade, movie? *hands up for those who are game!*

Sunday - lead climbing part two, home for dinner

Falling!

Fall I did! Seems like I have backache now. Kinda scary - I had to let go of the rock grips and just kick off the wall - and fall, till I hit my next Runner Stop... I wonder how Bungee Jump will be like then! Why am I talking about all this? I started my first Lead Climbing lesson today! Hit the Sports Hall at SMU by 9am - and man there was no turning back. I was looking for Adrenalin Rush - and yes I had it. *Big smile*




This is a picture of what Lead Climbing is about - Monique Forestier is one of Austrailia's strongest woman - check out those discreet back and arm muscles. So there is someone at the bottom supporting the rope to break her fall. She just climbs upwards. It is physically - but definitely a high when u reach the top amidst trembling arms. The feeling upon ascension is like reaching the top of a mountain - except that our wall is only 11 metres high! =p

Anyhow, I am all excited again - hee .. so glad Jessene made me sign up for this!!! And kuods to dear sister for buying me all the Equipment from the U.S!!! Now i know, i need something extreme and edgy to keep me on the go - that is why I am not as excited about Blading and Squash - not that I am brilliant at it, and not that I have short attention span - it is more like I have conquered the fear and succeeded in picking up something new. And so the kick in indulging in that sport is not there anymore. But I still want to work on my Right Cross Turn! Ruby - I can do the left cross turn and kick off already .. a bit wobbly but better!

Am looking to catch tonites Italy France Match - I say Italy will win on Penalty Shootouts. If not a 1-0. Wait and see!

Maybe its not so Bad ... *am grateful*

Daniel Powter
Bad Day

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

(Oooh.. a holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

(yeah...)

I came home today after going by a loop through Bayshore - and hell it was beautiful! Huge, elegant, it was like a village on its own! Lovely! When i hit my main door, i was just in time for a 9pm dinner.. and my grand aunt and two lovely aunts were there as well! It was such a welcoming sight for me! After a lonely day at work ... man, it was worth it to see people I love and the sample the food they cook. =D

I shall have to get my life in order. I had enough of being a lazy ass procrastinator! I have to get my routine up and enjoyable for myself - pulling myself and my friends (new ones too) together!

Considering for this routine...
Mon: Tennis lessons with Aud, Zan, Jac & Joyce? Or Golf Lessons
Tues: Climbing at SMU with Jess
Wed: Dance class with Sam?
Thurs: Squash with Colleagues
Friday: Spend dinner with Mom & Dad
Sat: Teach drama in mornings, tuition one JC kid (hopefully), chill out night
Sun: Marketing with Mom, Teach Sean, Blade / Exercise in the afternoon, Housework

Goals...
Study and pass CFA exam in June
Take mom and dad for a short trip
Vietnam / Cambodia Backpacking in Sept - after my contract ends Sept 3rd

At the hem-lines...
Monitor dad's health condition & Coerce mom to Check-up
Save enough for a small investment
Look out for better job
Driving Driving Driving

And this coming weekend -
Level 2 Climbing Course
Thinking of a Bintan Seasports thing - yet to finalize details.

I Have Nothing To Do!

I seem to really have nothing to do on weekdays - however early I get off work. I can typically finish 6-630pm max these days.

It is very different from my previous daily routine when I was busy Monday to Sunday - choked full of activities. Now I have to crack my brain and plan the activities I want to do - and who I want to spend it with. And sometimes I can get by an entire week not going out. I feel aimless and unmotivated. There seems to be nothing for me to look forward to.

Of course, it is always great to spend time with lovely mummy and daddy, sis and bro - but i think some kind of incompleteness and frustration prevails - causing discontentment within me. I mean I have friends and all - but still cant seem to figure what is truly missing or wrong with me. Is it work or is it the lack of company ?

**Puzzled***

I am Attention Deficient?

Adult Attention Deficit Disorder
By Jeannine Virtue,

Yet, the hurdles of Attention Deficit are often the same, whether in a child or an adult. The ADD adult might have trouble with staying on task, staying organized and procrastinating, as well as trouble maintaining relationships and controlling their mood.

Below is an adult symptom test with symptoms unique to the Attention Deficit Disorder adult. This self test is not a diagnostic test but a source of information for the adult trying to determine if Attention Deficit Disorder might be present in their life.

Adult ADD Symptom Test:
If you experience more than 10 points on this adult ADD self symptom test, Attention Deficit Disorder is likely present.

An internal sense of anxiety
Impulsive spending habits - Yes
Frequent distractions during sex - Ermmm.
Frequently misplace the car keys, your purse or wallet or other day-to-day items - Sometimes
Lack of attention to detail - Yes
Family history of ADD, learning problems, mood disorders or substance abuse problems - Not immediately obvious to me
Trouble following the proper channels or chain of commands - No
An attitude of "read the directions when all else fails" - No
Frequent traffic violations - I don't drive
Impulsive job changes - Not really. But the thought crosses my mind.
Trouble maintaining an organized work and/or home environment - Yes
Chronically late or always in a hurry - Yes. Chronic is the word.
Frequently overwhelmed by tasks of daily living - No.
Poor financial management and frequent late bills - Yes.
Procrastination - Yes
Spending excessive time at work due to inefficiencies - No.
Inconsistent work performance - No
Sense of underachievement - Yes
Frequent mood swings - Sometimes.
Trouble sustaining friendships or intimate relationships - Yes.
A need to seek high stimulation activities - Yes
Tendency toward exaggerated outbursts - Yes.
Transposing numbers, letters, words - No.
Tendency toward being argumentative - Sometimes.
Addictive personality toward food, alcohol, drugs, work and/or gambling - No.
Tendency to worry needlessly and endlessly - Sometimes.
"Thin-skinned" - having quick or exaggerated responses to real or imagined slights - Not sure

Uh oh. Going by this test - I am suffering from mild ADD? Gasp! The article also says that regular and vigorous exercise is good for me to release the steam and quiet the mind. And yes eat more brain food - protein!

Tips to make my life and my family's and friend's lives easier:
1) Make lists to include tasks required for the day, and prioritize. That is why this blog is important. And of course, my handy $1.30 Popular Calender.
2) (I gotta pick this tip) Wear an in-build alarm watch! So i wont forget those appointments!
3) I can sometimes be afraid of large tasks, hence I will do well to break the task into smaller, more manageable tasks and attach deadlines to the smaller tasks.
4) Plus, it is also beneficial to enlist the help of a a close and trusted friend to help the Attention Deficit Disorder adult stay organized, on track and focused while providing encouragement.

Now now, that being said.... what can I do now, for a change, on top of the ten other things i am supposed to do......

I Have Moved On

28th March 2006

Its been so long. So long since I reminisced.

Ash says she does think about past to understand how it has shaped her. And I said if you ask me, I probably don’t have an answer. Simply because I don’t reflect doesn’t mean I don’t learn, but I don’t consciously extract the experiences and ponder upon hindsight. I just gallop and run free.

(1) What she said triggered an emo-response. As I lay unblinking awake at 4pm. I was jolted you into thinking mode. You wonder why, why you are an insomniac, who you should message at this ungodly hour. I don’t know if I’m some weird freak who likes to message friends at any time of the day, or that in general I have friends who lead ordinarily routine lives and don’t like to be disturbed at the break of dawn. SO after a fleeting thought that I may be chided for waking poor souls up from the much needed reverie, I decided against the insane. So yes, I have become force fed into commodity.

As I grow older, there are things I realize I cannot do, and you have to conduct yourself with adequate dignity and social grace befitting of your status. Screw that. I feel trapped – partly I m transiting into full-fledged adulthood – and I cannot accept the way I have to behave. I feel extremely frustrated. (Did some of you go through this phase before?) Is this why people feel jaded? -Because they have been hammered to commit to something they don’t enjoy – like excessive working patterns … Like living life as if work reigns?
Like fuck, nobody has a fucking life after fucking work in fucking Singapore. This place is fucking screwed. Nobody is fucking alive to fucking have a good game of sport after work. Work just sucks the life out of you that you don’t have any fucking energy to fraternize and speak to Mommy and Daddy. And yes you get grumpy. What kind of standard of living are we having here? I cannot comprehend.

(2) Syah asked me what happened to my views on marriage. Yes, really what happened to me? – I asked myself. He said six months back (in September 2005), when I was totally epitomizing Europe fervor and advocating freedom from the very chains of society, I didn’t think marriage was important. Well, I certainly didn’t approve of cohabitation either you know. Sometimes, for me, it’s not in the things I say, but rather what I don’t. So Angie should take a clue from that, and realize I am hardly complicated. So yes, he said now I’m waxing lyrical about getting married and all. Yes and no. Sure as hell, in Singapore context, ladies have to get married. At least by 27 – No?

You know, it has long been an ambition since girls were little to find their Prince Charming. However, when they get older, wiser and a little more jaded, the possibility of finding someone that perfect gets more remote. Sure there are many eligible bachelors out there in Singapore – but like a job selection – you want a right fit. So many factors are involved. It really isn’t easy. And as they say, the right one hasn’t come along. Many would say fucking bull shit to those lucky asses who have found someone, but it is a lot of sacrifices to make that person the so-called perfect one.

So sure, I have changed my opinion of marriage – as in it is necessary to get married. But my underlying fundamentals are still the same: there is no perfect someone, although there is definitely someone out there for you, and marriage no doubt is for life, but really, love hardly lasts a lifetime, and it will simply be a marriage of convenience. I mean jobs are a lifetime commitment too, and if we can stick to our jobs even though we hate it, why can’t it apply to your significant other?

(3) I have chopped off my locks. In retrospect, my dreads were pretty dirty things! Mink from Casey Inc has become my all-time favorite hair-dresser. I didn’t get anybody to immortalize my uncrowning glory, although I had willing participants who wanted to document the moment.


I just felt it was a milestone that I had to set by myself, but it will be forever etched in my memory. Strand by strand my locks were snipped off. It was akin to disrobing my identity, my only license to insanity. I had resigned to a less flighty lifestyle. A had to adopt a more womanly, so-called mature mode that was befitting. I was ready to join the banking workforce.

(4) On a more material aspect, I went for some job interviews, and the realistic thing is that people won’t hire you if you don’t have experience. In a nutshell, I got a job. Will be working at ING, a dutch bank, on a 6 month contract, as a Treasury Assistant.