Its been so long. So long since I reminisced.
Ash says she does think about past to understand how it has shaped her. And I said if you ask me, I probably don’t have an answer. Simply because I don’t reflect doesn’t mean I don’t learn, but I don’t consciously extract the experiences and ponder upon hindsight. I just gallop and run free.
(1) What she said triggered an emo-response. As I lay unblinking awake at 4pm. I was jolted you into thinking mode. You wonder why, why you are an insomniac, who you should message at this ungodly hour. I don’t know if I’m some weird freak who likes to message friends at any time of the day, or that in general I have friends who lead ordinarily routine lives and don’t like to be disturbed at the break of dawn. SO after a fleeting thought that I may be chided for waking poor souls up from the much needed reverie, I decided against the insane. So yes, I have become force fed into commodity.
As I grow older, there are things I realize I cannot do, and you have to conduct yourself with adequate dignity and social grace befitting of your status. Screw that. I feel trapped – partly I m transiting into full-fledged adulthood – and I cannot accept the way I have to behave. I feel extremely frustrated. (Did some of you go through this phase before?) Is this why people feel jaded? -Because they have been hammered to commit to something they don’t enjoy – like excessive working patterns … Like living life as if work reigns?
Like fuck, nobody has a fucking life after fucking work in fucking Singapore. This place is fucking screwed. Nobody is fucking alive to fucking have a good game of sport after work. Work just sucks the life out of you that you don’t have any fucking energy to fraternize and speak to Mommy and Daddy. And yes you get grumpy. What kind of standard of living are we having here? I cannot comprehend.
(2) Syah asked me what happened to my views on marriage. Yes, really what happened to me? – I asked myself. He said six months back (in September 2005), when I was totally epitomizing Europe fervor and advocating freedom from the very chains of society, I didn’t think marriage was important. Well, I certainly didn’t approve of cohabitation either you know. Sometimes, for me, it’s not in the things I say, but rather what I don’t. So Angie should take a clue from that, and realize I am hardly complicated. So yes, he said now I’m waxing lyrical about getting married and all. Yes and no. Sure as hell, in Singapore context, ladies have to get married. At least by 27 – No?
You know, it has long been an ambition since girls were little to find their Prince Charming. However, when they get older, wiser and a little more jaded, the possibility of finding someone that perfect gets more remote. Sure there are many eligible bachelors out there in Singapore – but like a job selection – you want a right fit. So many factors are involved. It really isn’t easy. And as they say, the right one hasn’t come along. Many would say fucking bull shit to those lucky asses who have found someone, but it is a lot of sacrifices to make that person the so-called perfect one.
So sure, I have changed my opinion of marriage – as in it is necessary to get married. But my underlying fundamentals are still the same: there is no perfect someone, although there is definitely someone out there for you, and marriage no doubt is for life, but really, love hardly lasts a lifetime, and it will simply be a marriage of convenience. I mean jobs are a lifetime commitment too, and if we can stick to our jobs even though we hate it, why can’t it apply to your significant other?
(3) I have chopped off my locks. In retrospect, my dreads were pretty dirty things! Mink from Casey Inc has become my all-time favorite hair-dresser. I didn’t get anybody to immortalize my uncrowning glory, although I had willing participants who wanted to document the moment.
I just felt it was a milestone that I had to set by myself, but it will be forever etched in my memory. Strand by strand my locks were snipped off. It was akin to disrobing my identity, my only license to insanity. I had resigned to a less flighty lifestyle. A had to adopt a more womanly, so-called mature mode that was befitting. I was ready to join the banking workforce.
(4) On a more material aspect, I went for some job interviews, and the realistic thing is that people won’t hire you if you don’t have experience. In a nutshell, I got a job. Will be working at ING, a dutch bank, on a 6 month contract, as a Treasury Assistant.
