Falling!

Fall I did! Seems like I have backache now. Kinda scary - I had to let go of the rock grips and just kick off the wall - and fall, till I hit my next Runner Stop... I wonder how Bungee Jump will be like then! Why am I talking about all this? I started my first Lead Climbing lesson today! Hit the Sports Hall at SMU by 9am - and man there was no turning back. I was looking for Adrenalin Rush - and yes I had it. *Big smile*




This is a picture of what Lead Climbing is about - Monique Forestier is one of Austrailia's strongest woman - check out those discreet back and arm muscles. So there is someone at the bottom supporting the rope to break her fall. She just climbs upwards. It is physically - but definitely a high when u reach the top amidst trembling arms. The feeling upon ascension is like reaching the top of a mountain - except that our wall is only 11 metres high! =p

Anyhow, I am all excited again - hee .. so glad Jessene made me sign up for this!!! And kuods to dear sister for buying me all the Equipment from the U.S!!! Now i know, i need something extreme and edgy to keep me on the go - that is why I am not as excited about Blading and Squash - not that I am brilliant at it, and not that I have short attention span - it is more like I have conquered the fear and succeeded in picking up something new. And so the kick in indulging in that sport is not there anymore. But I still want to work on my Right Cross Turn! Ruby - I can do the left cross turn and kick off already .. a bit wobbly but better!

Am looking to catch tonites Italy France Match - I say Italy will win on Penalty Shootouts. If not a 1-0. Wait and see!

Maybe its not so Bad ... *am grateful*

Daniel Powter
Bad Day

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

(Oooh.. a holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

(yeah...)

I came home today after going by a loop through Bayshore - and hell it was beautiful! Huge, elegant, it was like a village on its own! Lovely! When i hit my main door, i was just in time for a 9pm dinner.. and my grand aunt and two lovely aunts were there as well! It was such a welcoming sight for me! After a lonely day at work ... man, it was worth it to see people I love and the sample the food they cook. =D

I shall have to get my life in order. I had enough of being a lazy ass procrastinator! I have to get my routine up and enjoyable for myself - pulling myself and my friends (new ones too) together!

Considering for this routine...
Mon: Tennis lessons with Aud, Zan, Jac & Joyce? Or Golf Lessons
Tues: Climbing at SMU with Jess
Wed: Dance class with Sam?
Thurs: Squash with Colleagues
Friday: Spend dinner with Mom & Dad
Sat: Teach drama in mornings, tuition one JC kid (hopefully), chill out night
Sun: Marketing with Mom, Teach Sean, Blade / Exercise in the afternoon, Housework

Goals...
Study and pass CFA exam in June
Take mom and dad for a short trip
Vietnam / Cambodia Backpacking in Sept - after my contract ends Sept 3rd

At the hem-lines...
Monitor dad's health condition & Coerce mom to Check-up
Save enough for a small investment
Look out for better job
Driving Driving Driving

And this coming weekend -
Level 2 Climbing Course
Thinking of a Bintan Seasports thing - yet to finalize details.

I Have Nothing To Do!

I seem to really have nothing to do on weekdays - however early I get off work. I can typically finish 6-630pm max these days.

It is very different from my previous daily routine when I was busy Monday to Sunday - choked full of activities. Now I have to crack my brain and plan the activities I want to do - and who I want to spend it with. And sometimes I can get by an entire week not going out. I feel aimless and unmotivated. There seems to be nothing for me to look forward to.

Of course, it is always great to spend time with lovely mummy and daddy, sis and bro - but i think some kind of incompleteness and frustration prevails - causing discontentment within me. I mean I have friends and all - but still cant seem to figure what is truly missing or wrong with me. Is it work or is it the lack of company ?

**Puzzled***

I am Attention Deficient?

Adult Attention Deficit Disorder
By Jeannine Virtue,

Yet, the hurdles of Attention Deficit are often the same, whether in a child or an adult. The ADD adult might have trouble with staying on task, staying organized and procrastinating, as well as trouble maintaining relationships and controlling their mood.

Below is an adult symptom test with symptoms unique to the Attention Deficit Disorder adult. This self test is not a diagnostic test but a source of information for the adult trying to determine if Attention Deficit Disorder might be present in their life.

Adult ADD Symptom Test:
If you experience more than 10 points on this adult ADD self symptom test, Attention Deficit Disorder is likely present.

An internal sense of anxiety
Impulsive spending habits - Yes
Frequent distractions during sex - Ermmm.
Frequently misplace the car keys, your purse or wallet or other day-to-day items - Sometimes
Lack of attention to detail - Yes
Family history of ADD, learning problems, mood disorders or substance abuse problems - Not immediately obvious to me
Trouble following the proper channels or chain of commands - No
An attitude of "read the directions when all else fails" - No
Frequent traffic violations - I don't drive
Impulsive job changes - Not really. But the thought crosses my mind.
Trouble maintaining an organized work and/or home environment - Yes
Chronically late or always in a hurry - Yes. Chronic is the word.
Frequently overwhelmed by tasks of daily living - No.
Poor financial management and frequent late bills - Yes.
Procrastination - Yes
Spending excessive time at work due to inefficiencies - No.
Inconsistent work performance - No
Sense of underachievement - Yes
Frequent mood swings - Sometimes.
Trouble sustaining friendships or intimate relationships - Yes.
A need to seek high stimulation activities - Yes
Tendency toward exaggerated outbursts - Yes.
Transposing numbers, letters, words - No.
Tendency toward being argumentative - Sometimes.
Addictive personality toward food, alcohol, drugs, work and/or gambling - No.
Tendency to worry needlessly and endlessly - Sometimes.
"Thin-skinned" - having quick or exaggerated responses to real or imagined slights - Not sure

Uh oh. Going by this test - I am suffering from mild ADD? Gasp! The article also says that regular and vigorous exercise is good for me to release the steam and quiet the mind. And yes eat more brain food - protein!

Tips to make my life and my family's and friend's lives easier:
1) Make lists to include tasks required for the day, and prioritize. That is why this blog is important. And of course, my handy $1.30 Popular Calender.
2) (I gotta pick this tip) Wear an in-build alarm watch! So i wont forget those appointments!
3) I can sometimes be afraid of large tasks, hence I will do well to break the task into smaller, more manageable tasks and attach deadlines to the smaller tasks.
4) Plus, it is also beneficial to enlist the help of a a close and trusted friend to help the Attention Deficit Disorder adult stay organized, on track and focused while providing encouragement.

Now now, that being said.... what can I do now, for a change, on top of the ten other things i am supposed to do......

I Have Moved On

28th March 2006

Its been so long. So long since I reminisced.

Ash says she does think about past to understand how it has shaped her. And I said if you ask me, I probably don’t have an answer. Simply because I don’t reflect doesn’t mean I don’t learn, but I don’t consciously extract the experiences and ponder upon hindsight. I just gallop and run free.

(1) What she said triggered an emo-response. As I lay unblinking awake at 4pm. I was jolted you into thinking mode. You wonder why, why you are an insomniac, who you should message at this ungodly hour. I don’t know if I’m some weird freak who likes to message friends at any time of the day, or that in general I have friends who lead ordinarily routine lives and don’t like to be disturbed at the break of dawn. SO after a fleeting thought that I may be chided for waking poor souls up from the much needed reverie, I decided against the insane. So yes, I have become force fed into commodity.

As I grow older, there are things I realize I cannot do, and you have to conduct yourself with adequate dignity and social grace befitting of your status. Screw that. I feel trapped – partly I m transiting into full-fledged adulthood – and I cannot accept the way I have to behave. I feel extremely frustrated. (Did some of you go through this phase before?) Is this why people feel jaded? -Because they have been hammered to commit to something they don’t enjoy – like excessive working patterns … Like living life as if work reigns?
Like fuck, nobody has a fucking life after fucking work in fucking Singapore. This place is fucking screwed. Nobody is fucking alive to fucking have a good game of sport after work. Work just sucks the life out of you that you don’t have any fucking energy to fraternize and speak to Mommy and Daddy. And yes you get grumpy. What kind of standard of living are we having here? I cannot comprehend.

(2) Syah asked me what happened to my views on marriage. Yes, really what happened to me? – I asked myself. He said six months back (in September 2005), when I was totally epitomizing Europe fervor and advocating freedom from the very chains of society, I didn’t think marriage was important. Well, I certainly didn’t approve of cohabitation either you know. Sometimes, for me, it’s not in the things I say, but rather what I don’t. So Angie should take a clue from that, and realize I am hardly complicated. So yes, he said now I’m waxing lyrical about getting married and all. Yes and no. Sure as hell, in Singapore context, ladies have to get married. At least by 27 – No?

You know, it has long been an ambition since girls were little to find their Prince Charming. However, when they get older, wiser and a little more jaded, the possibility of finding someone that perfect gets more remote. Sure there are many eligible bachelors out there in Singapore – but like a job selection – you want a right fit. So many factors are involved. It really isn’t easy. And as they say, the right one hasn’t come along. Many would say fucking bull shit to those lucky asses who have found someone, but it is a lot of sacrifices to make that person the so-called perfect one.

So sure, I have changed my opinion of marriage – as in it is necessary to get married. But my underlying fundamentals are still the same: there is no perfect someone, although there is definitely someone out there for you, and marriage no doubt is for life, but really, love hardly lasts a lifetime, and it will simply be a marriage of convenience. I mean jobs are a lifetime commitment too, and if we can stick to our jobs even though we hate it, why can’t it apply to your significant other?

(3) I have chopped off my locks. In retrospect, my dreads were pretty dirty things! Mink from Casey Inc has become my all-time favorite hair-dresser. I didn’t get anybody to immortalize my uncrowning glory, although I had willing participants who wanted to document the moment.


I just felt it was a milestone that I had to set by myself, but it will be forever etched in my memory. Strand by strand my locks were snipped off. It was akin to disrobing my identity, my only license to insanity. I had resigned to a less flighty lifestyle. A had to adopt a more womanly, so-called mature mode that was befitting. I was ready to join the banking workforce.

(4) On a more material aspect, I went for some job interviews, and the realistic thing is that people won’t hire you if you don’t have experience. In a nutshell, I got a job. Will be working at ING, a dutch bank, on a 6 month contract, as a Treasury Assistant.

Why do we have to Work?

I was in the midst of work, and i started to wonder why people have to work at all.

Looking for some material.

I am So Damned Happy!!!

Yes im in a very good mood these days. No bank, no 11 hours, no nothing. =)

Today i am cooking spaghetti bolognese, with mushroom soup for dinner.

Tomorrow i am going blading. Thurs i am going Bintan and comin back in time for a movie =). Friday i am going to JB with dad. Sat I am going Sentosa. Sunday I am going to stay home. I am so damned happy.

I was in a terribly foul mood the week before, and whining practically every day since two weekends ago. My job. Yes, i am doing Treasury Operations. Essentially it is back office work. It covers Foreign Exchange and Money Markets. My role is to prepare reports to do with Liquidity, Exposure, Money Markets Placements and Deposits, Profit and Loss, Credit Limits, Nostro Reconciliation etc...the list goes on. It is essentially a desk-bound job, and all i have to do each day is churn out reports. Lots of deadlines, daily ones, fornightly ones, weekly ones, monthly ones, quarterly ones, and yearly ones.

My greatest gripe is the working hours and being tied to the computer for 55 hours a week. Not to mention that it is not terribly interesting. I guess I have to start somewhere, and I am lucky to have gotten this opportunity, i think. I think i make it worse for myself, and maybe its not so bad. For one, people there are absolutely lovely. Its a very friendly environment, but are generally experienced people who intend to work there until they retire.

I also wonder if anyone actually enjoys their job. Other than Sam, who is managing clients accounts in a design firm , i really dunno anyones. I was actually sickeningly jaded during the week i worked. It takes me a weekend to recover from the spell of depression. Do u think i m exaggerating? But i really felt so.

I hope this week never ends.