thanks sammie dear so much for the encouragement! somehow, u seem to know wat i am thinking although number one, we havent seen each other for so long (from ur trip here till now), and also the past three and a half months before u came down! ur message really made me so happy - that u too understand the way i feel!
and im sure i can live life differently - i want to! I really hope that i dont get sucked up in the pace of life back home - i noe how hard it is keep my dreams alive - but i´ve been talking about this wif angeline - and we figured that even if we follow the pace of life in singapore - it doesnt mean that we conform to the visions and norms of the society in which we r brought up in. wat matters is that we haf a wider perspective of things, and we are working towards a goal that we want so badly for ourselves, and not to satisfy wat society wants from us.
i haf a set of goals to fulfill - although i will probably not do all - but im sure and i hope i can realize at least two! Here goes (in no order of priority):
- study german (weekday nights)
- learn horse-riding with papa in malaysia (sundays)
- graphic design @ Lasalle or NAFA (Sammie i need ur advice on this)
- work towards tibet trip in dec 05 and SEA trip in june 06
- get my driving license
- learn stage lighting from SUVEN
- overseas comm service opportunites in India, Nepal, Africa
budgeting for these is actually the hard part. i need to pay off my bills such as my exchange loan, tuition fee loan, phone bill, give mama some money, and of course misc! and i think this will amount to about 500 - 600 a month. gosh and i still need to survive! but im sure i can manage. its my life. and im doing this for me. not for mom, not for pop, not for anyone else. i will find the strength i hope.
for the past 22 yrs i have been doing things not entirely for myself. this trip away from home gave me the opportunity to see possibilities and keep my head in the clouds, but also the perspective to have my feet on the ground. the harsh reality is gona be hard, but i hope my friends will keep me sane and my visions alive. ash told me that taking a year off takes real guts as not everyone will do it. but i dream. and i hope that i will be able to carry on dreaming.
3 comments:
Hi there,
Your post really got me thinking. I havent seriously thought about what I will be doing after graduation (job, grad school etc). Somehow, getting a job and paying bills seem so surreal. but they are things that I have to face immediately after graduation.
But this trip away from home sure has given me a broader perspective of the opportunities that are available, and although I do not know whether Germany will be where I want to further my education (I have seen the other side of the coin), I will still be doing the German language exam and looking out for opportunities in Europe.
Although I continue to miss home at times, some part of me hates to go back for certain reason (the restrictive nature of the people or even the place itself). I miss my circle of friends back home, especially those frm USP but I know that this trip has changed me more than I had expected.
I can only hope that at the end of the day, i dont find myself everywhere but nowhere. See you back in Singapore
Jacob
Thanks for your postcard. got it last night and really was a nice touch to a monday!
I have been reading your blog, and i am glad you are really sucking the marrow out of life, savouring everybit.
Experiences come in many guises, some of the best you will get will hit you without you even knowning it. What your trip has done is that it has opened up your mind and heart, the gift to sieve out the interesting from the mundane. With this, you dont have to be far or even away from home to see and learn new things. Come home soon, you'll see what i mean. things will look different.
I like the list that you made. Looks like you are grounded and i am sure your folks are proud of you, i know i am. I remember you at spottiswoode park, young ( you still are!) and wide eyed. You have blossomed. take care, let me know when you are coming home, i'll buy our happy wanderer dinner.
alfred
yup..i guess even back in singapore.. we can still try to fulfill our dreams in whatever way we can attempt. as long as we perserve and not succumb to the routines set by the lifestyle and culture of our 'ecomically/results-driven' society.
I have my goals too... haha..for now.. 1 of them is to master sign language. :)
catch up wif u soon.
shirleen
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