today markets were super quiet. and i sat in office all day till i was bored shitless. then i left on the dot today. wondering on the way back: do they pay me so much to sit down on the desk and pretend to work like a silly cow when actually nothing is being absorbed? wat is it i have to do here in hk? on one hand, it is good that they throw me bits of the puzzle to fit together, and really that's more like my style of learning. on the other hand, they tell me to learn the data tool but really i cant learn anything unless i do some hands-on. in the previous 10 days i was able to occupy myself with my furniture and getting the logistics in place. when the dust has settled, i begin to question my purpose here in hk.
eric had told me to expect the unexpected. frankly i did not have any expectations when i started out. it is a a double-edged sword, so that when things happen, then i realise how the world goes round... new found friendships (from friends who recommend friends, or work colleagues who go the extra mile to make me feel comfotable), old acquaintances disappoint, dont know who around me to trust, dont know how to manage work uncertainty and direction. i know family & friends stand firmly behind me, it is hard also knowing i have to fight my demons alone.
i reflect: maybe its not so hard afterall. eric has told me what to do already. all i have to do is pull up my socks, take things one at a time: support, account management then pre-sales. he also said something about putting my heart into looking after the accounts, as at the end of the day, we have to question who is responsible if we lose the accounts. makes a lot of sense. make effort to understand their situation, and work closely with my colleague and slowly handle the simpler troubleshooting.
my body seems to sense my stress, i am starting to get itchy today. not good. i really hope the hives dont return, coz i dont know where is the nearest doctor! i suspect its the macau noodles i ate today. and i have no appetite for dinner. i would say my cantonese has improved slightly, though i still have some foreign twang to it. scared myself to bits just now coz my main door just opened by itself. It was probably becoz of the wind, and partly also that the property manager has a set of my keys. well, my heart was beating very fast just now in panic. And now it is still beating funny with trepidation, a mix of fear and nervous energy.
What a scaredy cat i am. And I ve made sure i have locked it good this time.
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